Evil ass-kicking monks pray to a black penis sculpture in the very NSFW “Satyre Monks”

By on February 7, 2019

Satyre Monks (Chinese: Xie kuai or 无敌鸳鸯腿/Korean: 走向供喝) was assembled in a post-production editing house in 1994 by its director Rocky Law (as Ping Shek), and represents the more hard R-rated side of our vast Wu Tang Collection on Night Flight Plus.

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The director — a.k.a. Sek Bing-Chan, Shek Bing-Jin, Shik Bun-Jing, Shi Bing-Zhen and possibly Law Kei — added newly-shot very NSFW softcore erotica scenes into existing footage from an 80s-era kung fu movie (possibly The Magic Legs), Frankenstein-ing both together to make a film which wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

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Plotwise, we’ve got a story here about a group of evil ass-kicking monks, who are seen in the movie’s first moments praying to a black penis sculpture.

That big black dong — which looks to have been cast from a well-endowed, very hard monk — sits atop a table surrounded by smoke from burning incense sticks.

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The monks practice the forbidden ritual called the “Steel Palm,” which involves a lot of angry middle finger usage and some weirdo facial expressions.

We learn that these monks are actually pretty bad dudes, and they’ve kidnapped young women and forced them into having sex with them at the temple, which is why there are several newly-inserted scenes of mostly softcore lovemaking, with occasional naked body rubbing and at least one NSFW threesome.

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There’s also a female acrobat that the monks are trying to force into prostitution.

Our hero is a young man named “Chung Hoi” (Wang Qun), who along with his father, fight to stop them from acquiring 108 virgins (that’s their plan anyway).

Unfortunately, his dad is killed by the monk leader, who uses the Steel Palm on him.

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Hoi realizes that in order to fight and win, he’s going to have to learn a new martial art move — the Double Kick — and so he sets out to find a teacher who can teach him the wicked move.

The cast also features Takajo Fujimi (as “Wai Nee”), Poon Tak-Chuen (as “Yellow Robe Monk”), Nadeki Fujimi, Huang Kuan-hsien,Leung Seung-Wan, So Kwok-Leung, Huang Kuan-Hsiung, Wong Goon-Hung, Si Ching-Ching and Li Wen-Tu (honestly, though, we have no idea if that information is correct or not).

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Much like the films by filmmaker Godfrey Ho (the Ed Wood of Hong Kong cinema), known for using this same “cut-and-paste” technique, it’s easy to tell which scenes were from an earlier genre film, and which were newly-added, since they’ve made no real attempt to hide the fact that the actors are completely different (and the film stock looks newer too).

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Read more about another film in our Wu Tang Collection below.

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You know when you see the Cannon Film Group logo and the words “A Golan/Globus Production” on a title card at the start of the film, you’re in for a thrilling 80s-era action-packed ass-whuppin’ good time, and Revenge of the Ninja provides all that and more. It’s classic ninja goodness.

Mild-manned ninja warrior Cho Osaki (the legendary Shô Kosugi) witnesses the slaughter of nearly his entire family during an attack by a rival clan of ninjas in the film’s opening sequence, set six years earlier in Japan.

Osaki is nearly killed as well, and being that he’s a highly-skilled ninja himself, he avenges his family and kills the attackers, then swears off being a ninja forever.

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Then, the story then shifts to the present day, and to the United States, where Osaki — now wanting to live a more simple life and protect his surviving son Kane Osaki (real-life son Kane Kosugi) and his grandmother (Grace Oshita) from harm — operates a store, where he sells imported Japanese dolls.

When his son accidentally drops and breaks open one of the dolls, seeing the heroin powder inside, Osaki realizes that his shop has actually become a front for a heroin-smuggling business, and his friend and business partner Braden (Arthur Roberts), who is also secretly a deadly and powerful silver “demon”-masked ninja, is responsible.

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Osaki tries to put a stop to it, but that sets everything in motion, alarming Braden’s drug boss, a mobster named Caifano (Mario Gallo).

After Caifano’s informers are killed, the police are called in, but the know nothing about ninja shit, so they bring in martial arts expert Dave Hatcher (Keith Vitali, later of American Kickboxer fame).

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Then after ninja pal Braden kills his mother, kidnaps his son, and later kills Hatcher, who is Osaki’s best friend, in his ninja outfit in broad fucking daylight, Osaki decides its time to become a ninja again, and seeks out his revenge against them, doling it out in punishing ninja attacks that were choreographed by Kosugi himself.

The final duel, a rooftop fight scene between Shô Kosugi’s and Arthur Roberts’s characters took two weeks to film, and involved pyrotechnics and lots of incredible and elaborate camera set-ups (even hanging twenty stories high outside the building).

You can safely expect to see foreheads embedded with ninja stars in this weirdo action trash feature, shot in and around Salt Lake City, Utah.

Directed by Sam Firstenberg — who during the 1980s directed Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo (1984) — Revenge of the Ninja (1983) was actually a sequel to Enter the Ninja (1981, directed by Menahem Golan and starring Franco Nero.

It was the second entry in Cannon Films Group’s “Ninja Trilogy” anthology series (ending with Ninja III: The Domination, 1984).

Watch Satyre Monks, Revenge of the Ninja and other kick-ass kung fu movies in our Wu Tang Collection on Night Flight Plus.

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About Bryan Thomas

Bryan Thomas has been a freelancing writer/critic for All Music Guide, and a contributor to Launch, Music Connection, Big Takeover and numerous other publications and entertainment websites, blogs and zines, most of them long gone. He's written more than sixty sets of liner notes. He’s also worked for over twenty years at mostly reissue record labels -- prior to that he worked in bookstores and record stores, going all the way back to the original vinyl daze. He lives in the Miracle Mile neighborhood of Los Angeles, CA.