Regular visitors of Night Flight will be sad to learn of the untimely passing of gadget reviewer, lifestyle columnist and Best Buy employee Charles “Chaz” Newby, 43.
According to official reports, late Thursday night Chaz was cruising the streets of Venice Beach, California in his Kia Soul (also known as the “Chazmobile”) making his rounds as a self-appointed “One Man Army of Justice” and looking for so-called “evildoers.”
At approximately 10:45pm Chaz happened upon an RV owner illegally emptying his sewage tank on the curb of a residential street. Details are sketchy at this time, but according to eyewitness accounts Chaz brandished a replica “Kurgan” broadsword and tried to apprehend the perpetrator. A struggle ensued and at some point during the fracas the RV owner wrested the sword away from Chaz and swiftly decapitated him.
Chaz’s girlfriend, 16 year old Concetta Ramirez-Gaultier of North Hollywood High School, says the death was particularly untimely as he had yet to see “Pirahna 3-D”, a horror/comedy set in his beloved Lake Havasu.
Best Buy manager Sherry says Chaz was a competent employee, though he could have done a much better job selling extended warranties. She would also like to state that she will be accepting applications for his position. A high school diploma or G.E.D. and at least six months of retail experience are preferred.
Chaz’s best friend “Rogue” and Best Buy co-worker “Link” plan to avenge his death, “Boondock Style.” RV owners across Southern California are urged to take all necessary precautions.
A memorial service will be held September 1 at Forest Lawn Cemeteries in Glendale. Immediately following, Wilshire Boulevard will be closed from Vermont to Robertson until midnight for the “Chaz Memorial Celebration” brought to you by Von Dutch energy drinks. Smash Mouth and the Insane Clown Posse will be performing in front of the Larry Flynt building, the Hooters girls will be handing out coupons for free ultimate nachos and at 10pm there will be a Countach ralley followed by a 21-paintball-gun salute.